


Imbalance

by KawaiiNinja



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2012)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Depression, Fluff, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-15
Updated: 2020-02-15
Packaged: 2021-03-09 20:34:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27742333
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KawaiiNinja/pseuds/KawaiiNinja
Summary: "You don't mean-""Tomorrow night, I'm ending it all.""Michelangelo! Please!""Promise me, you won't tell my brothers about this.""But-""Promise me!""... I promise...."After so many years of putting up with his dark feelings, Mikey finally has had enough. He is nothing but trouble, a liability to the team. What was the point of staying around anymore? The pain was too much, he didn't want to feel anything.So Michelangelo decides to leave in an indescribable way. His disappearance leaves the team permanently severed. If only he knew how his elimination would greatly imbalance his brothers?
Kudos: 18





	1. Mistake

"Dudes! So cool!" Mikey's eyes glittered in wonderous awe. The four of them had snuck in through the glass ceiling into a natural history museum. The orange clad turtle could feel himself being jerked and turned to face Leo.

"Don't touch anything, Mikey!" He flinched, watching as his brothers gave him these skeptical looks before walking forward. The freckled turtle trailed behind, staying silent. Why did his brothers always have to bother him about not touching anything? "All right, here's the plan." Mikey could hear Leo talking, but he tuned him out staring in awe at all the dinosaur bones around them. This place was so fascinating. "Mikey!"

SLAP

"Ow!" The freckled turtle rubbed his now stinging cheek, glaring at Raph.

"Mikey, focus!" Leo hissed underneath a whisper. "Did you hear anything about the plan?" Not wanting to expose that he had tuneinf out Leo, Mikey nodded his head. "Then tell me, what did I say?"

"Uh.... we take them down and then go back and eat pizza?..." he chuckled nervously. Donnie face palmed as Leo sighed heavily.

"Riiiiiight," Raph snickered. Mikey flinched as he was pushed forward. This time now having to listen to Leo.

"Mikey you stay back, and don't touch anything," Leo pointed at him, motioning that he was serious.

"Wait, why do I have to stay back?" Mikey questioned, confused.

"Because we don't want you touching anything and blowing our cover. We can't risk it, not when we're spying on Bebop and Rocksteady."

The said turtle huffed, folding his arms tightly across his plastron. He did not like this not one bit. His brothers moved across the room as Mikey leaned back. His shell was touching the edge of a platform as he gazed up to find a giant T-Rex skeleton fossil towering above him. Woooooah, it was humongous and massive in size, nothing like Mikey had ever seen before. One touch couldn't hurt right? He barely touched the claw of the T-Rex, pulling his hand back as he sighed in relief. Nothing happened, and Mikey smirked to himself. Ha! And his brothers thought he would mess everything up?

As if on cue a loud cracking noise was heard as Mikey stepped away to find the fossil tumbling and fall apart. He shielded his face as dust surrounded him as the skeleton fell to the floor with a loud CRASH. It was followed by none other than; "MIKEY!"

Even from a distance Mikey could feel his brothers' glares burning holes into him. "My bad!" He rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly.

"Now look what you've done!" Leo snapped as Bebop and Rocksteady charged them, having heard the noise and realized that they were not alone.

Bebop had snatched the relic as Donnie pointed. "He's got the relic!" The three of them tried to avoid Rocksteady to pursue after the hog mutant.

"Mikey you distract Rockysteady!"

"What?" The orange clad turtle scowled. No! He wasn't just standing around and doing nothing other than being bait. He wanted to fix this! "No I've got this dudes!" He sprinted forward ahead of his brothers, knowing that he was faster than them all.

"Mikey!" He could hear someone grunting followed by a loud crashing noise. The orange clad turtle didn't back down his chase on Bebop who was attempting to escape out the museum.

"Oh no you don't!" He swing his kusarigama chain only for the mutant to dodge it and turn invisible. The chain came flying back towards him, smacking him in the face as Mikey slammed against the floor.

"Can't catch me!" Bebop yelled, before the front doors were thrown open. Rocksteady flew past Mikey after Bebop. The youngest groaned, sitting up as alarms blared. Turning his head he could see how Donnie was unconscious, the wall smashed behind him. Rocksteady must've rammed him into the wall. Leo gave Mikey a look of disappointment that made the turtle's stomach drop. 

Raph picked up Donnie as the three of them had to use their stealth to avoid all the lasers that appeared in the room. They had managed to run out from the museum as police sirens could be heard sounding in the distance. None of them wasted a second in finding the next manhole cover. It was hard to carry an unconscious brother, but Leo and Raph helped each other.

Mikey trailed behind, guilt overwhelming him. It did hurt that his brothers didn't even want him to be a part of the plan, but at the same time he did screw up once again.

They had entered the lair and rushed Donnie to the lab. By this time the purple masked turtle was regaining consciousness as he groaned.   
"Ugh, feels like my head got smashed."

"That's exactly what happened, Brainiac," Raph retorted.

"Bebop smashed you against the wall, the impact was hard, Donnie," Leo frowned, touching his shoulders gently. Mikey stayed further away, holding his arms tightly. He didn't feel okay. Why did this have to happen again? Why was it always him who had to be the mess up? He remembered Leo's look of disappointment on his face, it was so clear.

"Seems like I got a concussion," Donnie replied, rubbing the side of his face.

"All of this wouldn't have happened if it weren't for this nutball here!" Raph jabbed a finger in Mikey's direction. Mikey flinched, biting his lip tightly.

"You're right Raph. If only he would follow orders as he's supposed to and not touch anything," Leo turned his head glaring. "And now Donnie's got a concussion, it could've ended worse."

"Look I-," Mikey began, voice shaky as he winced. "I know I messed up and I'm sorry bros. But I just didn't want to stand back and do nothing. I'm tired of being pushed back or being used as bait as all the time!" He snapped, not realizing the mix of emotions that he was currently feeling.

"Well you know better," Leo said. "Things would've been better if you stayed put and followed my orders of distracting Rocksteady. Out of everyone, villains love you and you're able to distract them easily, so that is why you have been given that role."

Mikey scowled at this. Did Leo not just hear what he had just said? He didn't want to be bait! He was tired of being pushed like this!

"And you still find ways to screw up everything," Raph added. That was it, Mikey could feel the sting of tears burning in his eyes.

"Raph..." Donnie's voice rasped. "Isn't that a bit harsh?"

"It's the truth! He's always causing trouble! Out of all of us, he screws up our missions the most."

"Raph's right in a sense," Leo nodded his head. "You'll need to focus more," he pointed a finger at Mikey. "You'll need to realize that one day your actions can have dire consequences."

"You know what?" Mikey scowled. "I don't want to be here right now," he turned feeling the tears threatening to spill. He didn't want to break down in front of his brothers.

"Mikey."

"Let him go, he needs to think about what he's done," Leo replied. Instead of shutting himself in his room, Mikey decided to run out into the sewers. By this point the tears were coming out full-force. He collapsed against a tunnel wall, burying his face into his knees as he began to sob.


	2. Hidden Pains

"I'm telling you! I saw the other us's!" Mikey exclaimed, pacing around nervously. His three brothers each gave him disbelieving looks. The turtle sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose as bigger tears streamed down his cheeks at the vivid memory. He didn't know what was happening, but his mind felt hazy. Every single hurtful word he heard, it was like it was all crashing on him at the same time.

"If they're not going to listen to me. I'm not waiting around to explode!"

"Why don't we ever do my plans?"

"Because they're your plans, now go!" Voices were buzzing through his mind.

"I think I hurt my brain..."

"What brain?"

"Fine! If you don't believe me, I'll prove it."

"I don't want him! You take him!"

"Over my dead body!"

"Some ninja!" Mikey's body shuddered, feeling cold inside. It had always hurt for so long, and he managed to put up with it. But now, he didn't know. None of them appreciated him, the only other time he snapped was at the Farmhouse when he met Napoleon. If only it was that easy to run away, but his brothers would only search for him. They wouldn't care, why should they?

The orange clad turtle stood up, feeling his feet move as he came to a familiar part of the sewers. It was the drainage pool, one where he nearly drowned because of a squirrelanoid. It was simple thought, one that occurred to him. If he ran away his brothers would only track him down. And he didn't want to be around if all he was simply was a burden. He couldn't do anything right. They honestly be better off without him.

Mikey's tear-stained face stared at his reflection in the murky water. It came back distorted and he couldn't even see himself being happy anymore. He had been wearing the mask for far too long. "Perhaps I need to go someplace where they can't follow..." He clenched his fist tightly. It was a horrible idea, but the thought didn't sound so bad. The only place where he could go that his brothers couldn't follow would be death. He'd finally be free from everything, and from feeling like a worthless brother.

Though his heart clenched at the thought. The freckled terrapin knew that this meant leaving behind his other dear friends as well. But he couldn't take this anymore, he didn't want to be here anymore.

Turning away to walk down the tunnel and away from the drainage pool. Mikey made up his mind, he was going to spend his last moments with his two best friends, Leatherhead and Mondo before he'd go. Tonight wouldn't certainly be the perfect day, but tomorrow would be. He'd do it tomorrow. There was no turning back. Wiping all tears to erase any evidence of crying, Mikey trailed back to the lair.

The turtle had reentered the lair to find his brothers ignoring him, of course he expected that. "I'm going to hang out with Leatherhead and Mondo," Mikey said, holding out his T-phone to at least signify to Leo that he was heading out. The blue masked turtle shot him a solemn expression, lowering his comic book.

"Make sure you come back before midnight, got it?" Leo turned to face him. For a brief moment Mikey noticed the worry and concern in Leonardo's face, almost as if his expression had dropped.

"No worries brah! I'll be back before you know it!"

"Wait, Mikey!" The youngest found a hand grasping his shoulder, stopping him from turning fully towards the turnstiles. Mikey could sense Raph pausing in his exercise in punching his punching bag. "Are you okay?" Leo took another step closer to which Mikey could feel himself flinch.

"Yeah, I'm great dude!" He held out a thumbs up for emphasis. Leo sighed at this, reluctant as if he was trying to study his baby brother to see if he was hiding anything.

"It just... you were out for like three hours... it shouldn't take that long to think."

"Of course it does, Leo!" Raph chuckled. "At least for Mikey," he teased.

"Raph!" Leo snapped, scowling as he released Mikey's shoulder. "Not helping!" He shook his head, frowning as he returned his attention back to his baby brother. "Look... I know that what I said was harsh...and we for that matter, and I'm sorry if it was. You know we love you," he touched Mikey's arm gently. Midnight blues were gazing back at babu blues with such sincerity. The orange clad turtle didn't move, only staring at Leo. "We just want you to realize that if you continue making mistakes like that, or goofing around it can have dire consequences. We don't want anything bad to happen, and that means you too," Leo grasped his brother's arm. "We don't want anything bad to happen to you, Mikey."

"I get it, no worries," Mikey nodded his head, smiling. This seemed to do the trick as relief flooded across Leo's face. "I understand Leo, I do. I know that what I am doing is wrong. I know that I need to fix this. Everything will change, I promise bro. I just want to go hangout with my friends and clear my head."

"Okay," Leo released his grip on Mikey's arm once again. "Call me if you need anything."

"Like a turtle do!" Mikey grinned widely, before leaping over the turnstiles as he exited the lair.

"See? Told ya he would be fine," Raph walked to stand beside Leo.

"I don't know Raph... he really did take a long time to think... it was too long..."

"Jeez, relax, Fearless!" Raph rolled his eyes. "Mikey will be back before you know it and pulling pranks on us again."

"I hope so... I hope so, Raph..."

"And if he's not, we can talk to him tomorrow. Now I'm gonna beat your high score at pinball!"

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

  
Mikey had made his way over to the Mighty Mutanimals, meeting both Leatherhead and Mondo. Luckily enough, their team didn't have patrol, so this left time for Mikey to hang out with them. Mondo was performing some new tricks he learned on his skateboard as Mikey chuckled. The turtle had his legs dangling over the edge of the rooftop as Leatherhead sat beside him.

"Dude! I know something better!" Mondo rolled to a stop before him, letting Mikey use his skateboard to skate around. The turtle did a back flip into the air, "COWABUNGA!" Leatherhead clapped his hands as Mondo's eyes were wide in awe.

Mikey came rolling at such speed to his friends' feet, slamming his foot down to a halt.

"Aww yeah! Now that's a pro skater!" Mondo high fived Mikey, the two of them giggling. "Look! The pizza is ready!" Mondo pointed down below to a man who left a pizza box out in the middle of the street. Mikey grinned, using his kusarigama chain to wedge the blade into the box, and fling it upwards, catching it with his hands. He opened it to be met with a delicious aroma, the three of them digging in.

"This somf gwud!" Mikey mumbled, whilst mouth full as he gazed at his gator friend. Leatherhead nodded taking more slices of pizza. The three of them conversed, chatting amongst each other until Slash had appeared down below. He beckoned for Mondo, wanting some help with something.

"I'll see you later dude," Mondo waved at Mikey, hopping down. Mikey watched as his friend disappeared with his leader, as he was now alone with Leatherhead. Biting his lip tightly, as he fidgeted he could feel the gator's gaze on him.

"Michelangelo, I sense that there is something you are hiding." Of course, even with his act of acting all happy Leatherhead saw through him.

"It's nothing," Mikey shook his head, standing up. Leatherhead noticed his friend's behavior as he made the move to leave. None of this made any sense. Why was his friend suddenly acting weird?

"You know you can trust me, my friend," the gator stood to follow the smaller turtle.

"I don't know... it's just..." Mikey sighed, placing his hands onto his knees. "I'm thinking of going away..."

"What?"

"Don't worry. It'll all be over soon..." Leatherhead blinked in confusion. He could feel his heart quicken in panic.

"You don't mean-"

"Tomorrow night, I'm ending it all."

Leatherhead's eyes widened in horror at hearing those words. These were words he never wanted to hear from his best friend. "Michelangelo! Please!" He reached out towards him, only to see Mikey recoil away.

"Promise me, you won't tell my brothers about this." None of this was making any sense. Why was his best friend suddenly contemplating his own life? This wasn't Mikey!

"But-"

"Promise me!" The gator sighed, upon noticing how Mikey's eyes were burning. So much trust and fury put into the same emotion. Leatherhead didn't want to break his heart, nor betray his friend.

"... I promise...." Mikey smiled at that, giving the gator mutant a tight hug. Leatherhead hugged him tightly, not wanting to let go. As hard as he tried to prevent Mikey from leaving his grasp he could feel the turtle slip from his arms. And he was gone like he was never there. "Michelangelo..." The gator knew that he needed to tell his brothers... but at the same time he didn't want to betray his friend's trust. He could feel the tears burning in his green eyes. "I'm sorry..." he gazed down to grasp his t-phone only to find that it was gone.

The sound of a blast could then be heard as the giant mutant turned, finding his team in a dire situation with fighting off these military members. The gator had no choice but to help his team.

Mikey was walking back to the lair, having crushed Leatherhead's t-phone with the blade of his kusarigama chain. He trusted his best friend to keep his secret, but he had to destroy his phone. He couldn't have him contact his brothers in any way possible. No, he was not going to let anything stop him from what he planned to do.


	3. Gone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sad chapter ahead! Might need tissues!  
> Chapter contains suicide attempt. ⚠️DON'T READ IF THIS BOTHERS YOU! ⚠️

Mikey had returned to the lair before midnight, just as Leo had instructed. "You're back!" The eldest greeted him as everyone began to disperse to their rooms for the night. It was late after all, and they all needed rest.

Mikey nodded his head, turning to head to his room only to freeze as Leo grasped his arm. What was it with Leo doing this to him today? It confused Mikey. He could tell that his brother was sorry for saying what he had said to him, but that didn't change Mikey's plan. He yelped in surprise when Leo took a hold of his carapace and the back of Mikey's shell came against Leonardo's plastron. He could feel arms wrapping around him tightly, Leo was hugging him. For a moment he felt Leo nuzzle his cheek lovingly, in a brotherly fashion. They would do that sometimes.

"I love you, Mikey. Please know that," Leo squeezed him gently.

"I love you too, bro," Mikey returned the hug. He felt warm and at ease. It didn't last long though as Leo released him with a goodnight, heading off to his room. Now Mikey was alone with himself. He entered his room as he plopped himself onto his bed.

He'd have to get up early tomorrow if he wanted to do what he was going to do. Mikey closed his eyes, turning onto his side as he curled into a ball. The tears came out leaving him choking. It would be over soon....

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

After an entire night of crying his eyes out. Mikey woke up earlier since he couldn't sleep very well. He exited his room silently, making sure not to create any noise to wake his brothers. He knew that Leo was typically the only one who was up early, so he would have to use ninja stealth to escape.

He snuck past the hallway of the bedrooms, and into the main room heading over to the turnstiles. Leo yawned, meditating as he stretched his arms above his head. He turned as cold dread filled over him. It was bizarre, it was like this dark feeling fell over him. Something was indeed wrong, but he didn't know what.

Narrowing his eyes in confusion, Leo stood up from his seated position. The feeling was nagging at him, and Mikey's name occurred to him. The leader left the dojo deciding that perhaps he would check in on Mikey. However, to Leonardo's horror Mikey's room was empty and searching the whole lair the orange clad turtle was not to be seen. "GUYS!" Leo screamed, not caring if he frightened Donnie and Raph in the process. "GET UP!"

The sound of two doors opening signified Raph and Donnie's presence. "What the shell, Leo? You don't need to be screaming so freaking early in the morning."

"My head..." Donnie groaned.

"It's Mikey..." Leo rasped, his composure shaking. "He's gone..."

"What do you mean, gone?" Donnie lifted his chin.

"He's not in the lair..."

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Mikey walked past the subway tracks and into the sewer tunnels. He could hear his t-phone ringing as he came to his designated spot. Pulling out the phone he gazed at the caller ID to see Leo's face. So Leo had noticed that he had left after all. Declining the call, Mikey dropped his t-phone onto the floor, not even bothering by the fact that the impact caused the screen to crack. He gazed down at the dark murky sewer water.

The way the rushing water nearly tugged him to his doom was a vivid memory. He honestly thought he would die at that moment. Oh the irony, that he decided to choose this place as his death. Walking over to turn the wheel to activate the sewer drain, baby blue eyes watched the water swirl around rushing and sloshing against the cement. He took in deep breath, he knew drowning was one of the worst ways to die. But this was the closest thing that he could get to other than jumping off a building up above. And here, his body would probably be flushed somewhere else where he couldn't be found.

With that, he leapt into the pool. The raging water around him, forced his body down. The current was strong, and instead of fighting against it like last time, Mikey didn't even fight. His body sank underneath the water, and as much as Mikey instinctively held his breath. He forced his mouth open, trying to ignore the burning that flooded through his nostrils, mouth and into his lungs. Mikey could feel himself gagging, choking on the water. It was a horrible feeling, but needn't wait long before would he would die deprived of oxygen.

Everything was blur, all he could hear was the roaring of the vicious water that made his body twist and turn, spiraling down into the hole. Through the murky water, Mikey swear he saw blobs of green up on the platform above, blue, purple and red. He could hear distorted screaming, although he couldn't make out what it was saying.

This was it... this was the end. Mikey could feel his body go slack, feeling numb as his lungs felt like they had exploded. His eyes glazed over and darkness consumed him as his limp body had no choice but to follow the rushing water.

Leo stared in horror, as did the other two brothers. They had just witnessed Mikey being flushed down the drainage pool. The turtle wasn't even fighting, the way his eyes glazed over accepting death. They were too late...

"NO!" Raph fell to his knees, slamming his fists against the cement. Hot tears were streaming down his cheeks. Raph had never looked so distraught before. He screamed, smashing his fists repeatedly.

Donnie stood there, his body quivering as he brought a hand to his cheek in horror. His other hand clutched his t-phone that he had used to track down Mikey. "No... he..." be didn't even dare to say the word. None of them had expected Mikey to commit suicide.

Leo's body was rigid, he couldn't move. It was like the entire world had frozen, and Leo had lost all capacity to even react. The moment he managed to take a step, his body collapsed against the side of the wall. "No..." He clutched the sides of his head in agony. The pain wracked over him, shattering his heart. Tears were blurring his vision, as he couldn't even see ahead of him.

Mikey had done it...


	4. Split

"He can't be gone! He can't be!" Raph howled.

"We were too late..." Donnie mumbled.

"Why?" Leo curled his fist tightly against the cement. "Why would he do this?"

"This wasn't the first time he ran away, remember back at the Farmhouse?" Donnie questioned, "but this is worse...." Leo shakily picked up Mikey's t-phone.

"Where does the drainage pool even go? We have to find him!" Raph clenched his fists.

"There's no point, Raph," Donnie shook his head. "The drainage pool ends out into the ocean. We'll never find Mikey's body..." Silence befell the three of them. It was already worse that Mikey was dead, but even more so when they couldn't even retrieve his body.

Leo clutched the t-phone tightly as the three of them headed back to the lair. How could this happen? How come they never stopped this from happening? Now Mikey was gone. Their light and sunshine, gone forever.

Donnie had shut himself in his lab as Raph growled, practically annihilating his dummy as Leo entered the dojo. He frowned, unable to hold back the tears. Sure Master Splinter's death hurt them all, especially Leo. But Mikey's death... there was no way they could move on from that.

"I failed..." the leader clutched his knees tightly. "I'm so sorry Master Splinter... I've failed Mikey... we all did... and now he's gone forever..." The leader held Mikey's t-phone close in his hands. It was the only thing left of Mikey, besides the photos they had and his belongings in his room. The youngest had even taken his own chucks with him, so of course those couldn't serve as a reminder. Leo didn't even feel like eating or doing anything for that matter.

Eventually Leatherhead had rushed into the lair, and that's when they found out that Mikey had told his best friend about his plan to kill himself. Leatherhead stated that he tried to call them, but then somehow Michelangelo had taken his phone and now it was lost forever. And then he got caught up in trying to save the city since everything was chaos.

Leo growled, slamming his fist against the wall. He should've listened to his brotherly instincts when Mikey stayed out too long to think. He had a feeling that something was wrong, but he never bothered to push Michelangelo further. There were so many things that he could've done to prevent this. The blue masked turtle left the room, shutting himself into his own bedroom. Donnie headed back into the lab as Raph went to his own room. Now Leatherhead was alone, sighing deeply as tears escaped his eyes.

How could this happen? He didn't want to break his best friend's trust, and now the gator wished that he did. It might've helped in preventing Michelangelo from killing himself. This wasn't right, Mikey wasn't supposed to be dead.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Meanwhile, near a bank from across the island of Manhattan there was a group of frog mutants. They did march from their home to Louisiana, but Napoleon had to return near Manhattan to gather supplies. They were running short due to the drought in Louisiana.

"Hm," the frog knelt down, gazing across the beach as he ordered his fellow mutants to search the shore. Manhattan seemed to be in its season of spring so that meant that food was in store. They'd be able to stay here until they could return back to Louisiana once the drought had subsided.

A tongue lashed out at a giant bug, murmuring at how delicious it tasted. It was crunchy, though Napoleon still vaguely remembered the pizza Michelangelo gave him. His one true friend, and that strange food was honestly the best thing he had ever eaten.

Napoleon marched across the shore, humming to himself. The waves were sloshing against the rocks, sounding like hissing. He paused in his concentration as something green caught his eye. It was some sort of body, floating out in the sea, and towards the shore. As it neared closer, the frog could make out its form. A plastron, carapace, shell, and the color of an orange bandana.

"Mikey?" He called out, eyes widening in realization at how his body laid limp and floating in the water. He wasn't responding, he looked dead by the looks of it. "Michelangelo!" The frog ran into the shallow water, tugging him as he threw his friend out onto the bank. The rest of the frogs all gathered around at Mikey's cadaverous form.

Mikey's eyes were open, blank and white completely glazed. His mouth hung open and skin cold and dull to the touch. "He dead?" A frog poked him, receiving no response from the turtle.

"No, no," Napoleon shook his head, kneeling down into the rough sand as he flipped Michelangelo onto his carapace. His plastron wasn't moving, nor did he heart any heartbeat or any signs of life. "Michelangelo!" The amphibian smacked his hand against Mikey's plastron. He didn't necessarily know CPR but he needed to somehow bring his friend back to life if possible. Using is other hand to smack repeatedly, he did so, not caring how hard the force of impact was.

"I think you pinch his cheeks, and breathe in his mouth," a particular frog pointed out. Napoleon nodded his head doing what one of his comrades had suggested. He pursed in slapping Mikey's chest, pressing down hard and pinching his cheeks to breathe into his friend's mouth.

He certainly didn't know how long he had been doing this for, maybe fifteen minutes. "Give me that!" Napoleon grasped one of his frog member's staff, using it to ram against Mikey's plastron. That did the trick, as caliginous water spurted out from the turtle's body. It flooded out like a dam had broken as Mikey lurched. He hacked, the color returning to his eyes as oxygen burned into his lungs. The water he threw up was mixed with bile as it splattered the dirt beneath him.

"Ugh...." Mikey groaned, feeling a throbbing pain. "No.." he gasped in realization that he was feeling pain. He was alive! How?!

"Michelangelo!" The turtle could feel his body going slack against the dirt as he noticed a familiar face. The darker blue eyes were filled with relief, the pile of dirt on his head dotted with a tiny green leaf. Not to mention that familiar blue shirt with a pink unicorn.

"N-Napoleon?..." Mikey croaked, before the darkness consumed him once again.


	5. Dire News

What was a funeral without a body? Part of this felt unreal, but at the same it was reality.

The three turtles were in the dojo, candles dotting all along the shelves. They were also decorated with photographs of Mikey. Donnie had even made a little slab and had engraved his name on it. The room was silent as the candles flickered. The three brothers stood there, after a full fifteen minutes as Leatherhead, April, Slash and the others had left. Now it was only them alone. None of them spoke a word, Raph gazed away biting his lip tightly as he left the dojo. Donnie did the same, as Leo was last. He sighed heavily, bringing himself to his knees.

He knew that life must continue on as Master Splinter would say. But this wasn't something that they could even move on from. This was a shock to them, snapping them at the center of their core. The blue masked turtle left the dojo to head into the kitchen. Who would make delicious meals? Considering none of them really had any talent. Raph was eating cold cereal, as Leo decided to make ramen. It was the only thing that he knew how to make.

Why did this have to happen? The lair felt so empty, it had never felt so cold before. Leo didn't realize just how much sunshine Mikey brought into this family. Donnie was depressed and shut himself in the lab, not wanting to come out. Raph would growl and snap, and Leo had feeling that Raph's anger would soon be spiraling out of control. As for Leo, he was supposed to be the leader, but failure weighed his shoulders. How was he even leader? Especially when he let down one of his own brothers? Clenching his fist tightly as he pressed his head against the counter, Leonardo sobbed.

And this was how it went for several days. There seemed to be a gap wedged between the three brothers. Raph went our topside alone, Donnie shut in his lab as usual, not even wanting to bother to come out to eat. Leo on the other hand, couldn't stop himself from crying. He had never felt such despair before, not even for Master Splinter.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

"Michelangelo?" The turtle stirred, feeling something wet and sticky touching his cheek. He opened his eyes to find Napoleon tucking his long tongue back into his mouth. "You're awake!"

"Ugh..." Mikey touched the side of his head. "What happened?... where am I? Is this heaven?"

"No, you are alive," the frog replied.

"Wait what?" Mikey shot up, eyes wide with horror.

"You've been out of it for three days," his friend placed a hand onto Mikey's plastron. "Ever since you practically washed ashore."

"Oh..." Mikey deadpanned, rubbing the side of his face.

"Why do you have so many wrist wrappings that cover your entire arms?" Napoleon questioned, taking note of Mikey's body. He didn't remember his friend wearing that many.

"I thought it was cool," Mikey raised his arms as the frog could detect a hint of nervousness in Mikey's tone. He didn't press any further, only allowing himself to stand to help his friend to his knees. The turtle's legs wobbled at first having yo grab onto the tree next to him for balance.

"How did you end up drowning?" His friend now posed the question. Mikey gulped, straightening himself. "And floating out into the ocean?"

"It was just an attack, and I got hurt and fell into the water," Mikey replied.

Napoleon's eyes narrowed, "I sense that's not what happened."

"I know it's weird, but that's what happened." The frog took another note of how Mikey's eyes gazed around the area anxiously. It was almost as if he was trying to escape or something.

"Where are you brothers? Why are you alone?"

"My brothers couldn't find me," Mikey replied.

"Why aren't they searching for you?"

"What's with all these questions?" The turtle's voice squeaked, his shell hitting the tree as his amphibian friend stepped closer to him.

"Did you run away again?"

"Yeah! I ran away! There, happy? Like last time," Mikey chuckled.

"Last time you were in good condition, this time you were practically dead if it weren't for me noticing your body washing ashore," his friend said coolly. Napoleon studied Mikey's body language and the way baby blues avoided his gaze.

"Since when did you get so mature brah?"

"You helped me, Michelangelo. I was no different than you. Yet, you helped me gain the confidence I needed to fit in with my family."

"I am not returning back to my brothers," Mikey shook his head. "They don't need me, they don't care about me!" Tears flooded down Mikey's cheeks as his friend took a step back in surprise. "And if you really want to know why I was dead! It was because I wanted to be!"

Napoleon gasped, making a croaking noise as did the crowd of frogs. Mikey growled, turning around as he attempted to march away. "And if you don't mind me, I'm going to go now."

"Get him!"

"Wha?" Mikey could feel tongues wrapping themselves around his wrists, holding them bound.

"Put him in the cage."

"What are you doing?!" Mikey thrashed against the frogs, several more of them all trying to contain him with tight grips. "Let me go!" Mikey shrieked, feeling himself being shoved into a wooden cage exactly like the ones had been in before back in the woods. "Why are you doing this, Napoleon?! Let me go!!"

"I'm sorry, Michelangelo," the frog knelt down peering back at the turtle, he placed a hand onto Mikey's arm through the bars. "You helped me find my place. And now I'm going to help you."

The frog leader turned his head, nodding at one of his comrades. "Go towards the city," he pointed across the bay. "And find his brothers. Tell them we have him."

"NO!" Mikey screamed, slamming himself against the wooden bars. Tears streaming down his cheeks as he began to rock back and forth in a frenetic frenzy. His brothers couldn't find him! They had to believe he was dead! He needed to be gone! And there was no telling what they'd do after learning that he tried to commit suicide and failed. He failed!

"Trust me, Michelangelo. I don't understand what's going through your mind right now. But you need your brothers and they need you."

Mikey shuddered, burying his face into his knee pads as he rocked back and forth, sobbing hysterically. No, no, no, no!

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Meanwhile the three brothers were in the lair. Leo was sitting in front of the TV bored out of his mind. His eyes were dull as he sighed to himself. He didn't even enjoy doing the things he used to do when all he could think about was Mikey and the loss of his presence.

He was about to turn off the TV when the news came on, showing a photo of a giant frog.

"A giant mutant frog in New York?" The news reporter explained in shock. Leo's eyes widened as he recognized the mutant. It looked familiar, exactly like one of the frogs they had encountered in the woods.

"GUYS!" Leo stood up, running to the lab to throw the doors open. Donnie lifted his gaze from laying his head onto the counter. There were dark bags underneath his eyes, but Leo needed to press the news. "There's a frog mutant in the city!"

"A frog mutant?" Leo nodded his head.

"We need to go out and see what he or she is doing here. I'll get Raph." He turned to head to the hothead's room, banging on the door.

"Go away Fearless!" Raph snapped.

"We are going out on patrol right now, Raph!" The door opened as Raph sighed.

"Fine." Leo grinned a bit glad that he finally got both of his brothers convinced to go out topside.

"Come on." The three of them didn't waste any time rushing through the sewers and out onto a rooftop in the world above.

"Why would one of the frogs be here?" Donnie questioned, obviously confused.

"I have no idea, but we shall find out."

"I assume that's the frog?" Raph motioned his head down. Sure enough, there the frog was, avoiding the police as it climbed onto another rooftop.

"After it!" Leo barked an order. The frog sat on the rooftop, sagging in relief. The city was a bit too much, there were humans everywhere, too many to be exact.

"So you're the frog mutant?" He paused, turning his head sharply to be met with three familiar faces.

"It's you! Those turtles! Michelangelo's brothers right?"

"Attila?" Leo took a step closer, now finally realizing who this was.

"It is me."

"Why are you here?" Leo questioned as, he, Donnie and Raph surrounded him.

"I bring you dire news," the frog began to elaborate. "We have found Michelangelo." There was a sickening pause as all three brothers' mouths went agape.

"You mean you found his body?" Donnie sighed.

"He's actually alive my turtle friends."

"He's.... what?" Raph's voice rose, filled with astonishment. The other two wore the same expressions.

"He's alive?!" Leo didn't even bother to hold back the tears that escaped his eyes.

"Yes, Napoleon saved him," Attila nodded his head. "If it weren't for him discovering the turtle's lifeless body floating ashore."

"He's alive!" Donnie gasped, tears of relief flooding down his olive green cheeks.

"Take us to him!" Raph grasped tightly onto the mutant frog's arm tightly.

"As you wish."


	6. Seized

Mikey thrashed against the cage, pulling out his nun-chucks. He needed to get out of here! Using the blade of his kusarigama chain to cut off the hatch, he leapt out as his plastron slammed against the dirt.

Frogs piled on top of him, holding him down. "Let me go!" He screamed.

"He's right here," he heard Napoleon say, stepping aside. To Mikey's utter horror he saw three familiar bodies, red, blue, and purple. Attila was guiding them to this spot. His brothers! His heart clenched as they sprinted towards him. No, no, no, this was not going according to plan!

"Mikey! You're alive!" He could notice the way his brothers froze when he let out a shrill scream. Somehow he managed to knock all the frogs off him, holding the blade of his kusarigama chain.

"Leave me alone! Isn't it clear enough?" Mikey pointed the blade directly at his throat. He never planned to kill himself in front of a crowd, as his original plan was to do it silently. But he had no choice now, for he didn't want to go back with his brothers. How could he? He had failed, and they hated him for what he failed to do.

"Mikey.... don't.... " Leo held out a hand. Raph didn't move his eyes full of tears. Donnie on the other hand held one arm behind his shell. "Lower the blade... we can talk this out..."

"I don't want to talk about it. I just want to end it!" Donnie's arm moved in a flash, faster than Mikey had anticipated. He threw something in the air, a sharp prick penetrating the youngest's arm. Mikey yelped, stumbling back as he noticed the syringe that embedded itself into his skin. Instantly his body felt numb as he could feel himself collapsing. Pairs of arms caught him before he could smack against the rugged dirt. He saw the blurring colors of his brothers' bandanas before passing out.

"Thank you, Napoleon," Leo addressed the frog. "For saving him. You have no idea how much we appreciate it."

"Of course, anything to help my friend. You'll take care of him right?"

"We'll do anything we can," Leo nodded his head.

"Hurry. Let's take him back home," Donnie replied, the three of them hauling Mikey into their arms. There was no way that they were going to let Michelangelo out of their sight ever again.

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

Mikey groaned, rousing from his unconsciousness. His body felt numb, but he could feel stinging pain. When he tried to sit up he found that his arms wouldn't budge. What the?

Gazing his chin down that's when he found himself strapped to a cot. Of course, his own brothers had tied him down preventing him from any chance of escape. He should've figured that this would happen. All of this wasn't supposed to happen!

"Mikey..." he heard sniffling to the right side of his cot. Sure enough there his brothers were, Leo and Raph sitting in chairs and Donnie typing something away at his computer.

Raph was breaking down, so was Leo who had a tear-stained expression. The orange clad turtle flinched as the eldest reached out towards him. "Why?..."

Mikey shook his head, ignoring the question. "What are you dudes doing? Untie me."

"So you can try to kill yourself again?" Donnie barked from his computer. "I don't think so."

"Why?...." Tears popped into Michelangelo's eyes.

"Why what?" Leo questioned, raising an eye ridge.

"Why won't you just let me do this?!"

"Because we can't lose you," Leo touched his shoulder. "You're our baby brother and we love you." When Mikey turned his head aside, biting his lip tightly, Leo added, "and we can't fathom why you would want to kill yourself so badly. What made you want to do this?" When Mikey didn't respond, only avoiding their gazes Leo sighed deeply.

"Typically those who are depressed have feelings of being worthless, and like their problems are never ending. A weight on their shoulders that they can't get rid of. Those who are depressed discern things differently than reality. Some resort to self-harming to release tension or the need to punish themselves."

"Is that why his arms are covered with wrappings?" Leo turned to face the genius. "Is he self-harming?" The leader shuddered at the image of Mikey using a blade to slice across his skin. How could any of this be okay?

"Only one way to find out," Donnie stood from his chair.

"NO!" Mikey flinched hard, squirming against the ropes that held him bound.

"Mikey, don't be like that. I just want to take a look at your arms."

"No! They're fine!" Mikey blurted, squirming even more.

"I just want to make sure-"

"They don't need to be checked! I am FINE!"

"Then why ya getting suddenly riled up about it huh, Knucklehead?" Raph spoke, giving Mikey a soft glare. "If they're fine, then why are you getting so defensive huh?!"

"BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU TO LOOK AT THEM!" Mikey screamed, tears now flooding out his eyes at this point. He could see all the hurt and guilt in his brothers' faces.

"Guys," Donnie turned to face his older brothers. "Perhaps it's best you leave the lab."

"No way!" Raph shook his head. "I ain't leaving! We just got him back!"

"Raph," Leo touched his shoulder gently.

"Can't you see how distressed he is?!" Donnie snapped pointing at Mikey. "It's probably best that I try to talk to him alone. So please, get out of my lab!" Raph and Leo grunted as they genius practically shoved them out from the room, slamming the lab doors shut.

"What the shell Brainiac?!" Raph raised a fist to band against the door.

"Raph, enough!" Leo grasped his hand, preventing him from moving it. "None of this is happening. Us screaming and trying to talk to Mikey, this isn't working! It's only making things worse! I know that we're all deeply hurt by what Mikey tried to do! But screaming and trying to make him talk won't let him open up to us!" Now the hothead had tears shimmering in his emerald irises. Leo took in a deep breath trying to calm himself down. "I know that we've been in immense pain these past few days. And Mikey returning finally gave us hope, but exploited a wound in questioning why he would dare to try something so horrible as to take his own life. It's better if we don't all gang up on him at once. Donnie is right, he'll probably feel better with just having one of us in a room with him."

"Or even none of us," Raph shrugged his shoulders.

"It's still better than nothing," Leo sat down onto the steps in front of the lab doors. Silence befell them as Raph joined Leo. "When I questioned him about why he would do this. There was so much pain in his face, Raph. And the way he didn't even bother to answer, it felt awful. Everything is awful. He couldn't even trust me... or any of us... I don't understand... why?... why did he do it?" Now the hothead was left with a sobbing Leonardo. Usually Leo was the calm one, keeping everything together but nope, here he was breaking down.

The hothead clenched his fist tightly against his right knee. He too could feel the storm of emotions raging through him. "I don't know, Leo... I don't know.." he stated honestly.


	7. Punishment

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Chapter has descriptions of self-harm/cutting. Don't read if that bothers you.

Donnie sighed, gazing at Mikey as he took in a deep breath. The turtle was silent facing away from him. It pained the genius' heart to see how Mikey reacted to them. He didn't even trust them, it was evident in his eyes. How could he have not seen Mikey suffering from depression? Til it got to the point that he wanted to end his life. What made him want to go that far? Why? He was always a carefree and happy turtle, the jokester of the family.

Taking a seat next to his cot, Donnie decided to start slow. "It's okay, you know you can trust me, Mikey." Receiving no response from the youngest, Donnie bit his lip. How exactly was he supposed to let Mikey show him his arms? He didn't want to force them off, but yet Mikey was still not backing down. The silence was unnerving, this wasn't like Mikey to be so quiet. "I just..." He couldn't back the tears anymore. "I want to help you little brother.... but I can't unless you let me in..."

Baby blues met chocolate irises, and Donnie gave him a small smile. "I remember that you'd always come to me for help. I remember the times you helped me on my projects." Mikey blinked slowly as Donnie continued: "Heh, you always gave everything fabulous names. That was your thing, and I'm sorry if I ever gave you the indication that I never appreciated you. I always have appreciated you, even if you don't think like me. You are smart in your own way. Heck, you finished that antibody yourself with those giant wasps, used a smart tactic against the squirrelanoids, made retromutagen faster than I could ever anticipate. And even reversed the effects of the brain work serum that one time," Donnie touched Mikey's hand. This time, he was glad that Mikey didn't flinch. "You've helped me in more ways than you can ever know little brother. And I just want to help you. If you do have cuts I'll need to clean them to make sure they don't get infected."

He could see tears welding up into Michelangelo's eyes. "No one else will see them but you?..." his voice cracked.

Donnie nodded his head. "If that will make you feel better. I won't yell at you, I promise. I'm not mad at you I guarantee you that."

"O-okay..." Mikey nodded his head. Donnie grinned, pleased that he at least got Mikey to conform.

"I'll be taking the straps off. Don't go anywhere, got it?" He reached over to release them from holding Mikey bound. The freckled turtle sat up caressing his wrists.

"You ready?" Donnie kept his voice low, hand on his brother's arm. He could notice how reluctant he was. He didn't press on, not saying another for a minute before Mikey nodded his head. "Do you want to do it or?"

"I can do it," Mikey sat up shakily. Donnie stood there going to his lab desk to gather some supplies. He pulled out his fist aid kit, setting it onto the cot. Mikey sighed, gazing down before slowly taking off the wraps from his arms. One by one, the brown cloth fell revealing the scarred arms. Donnie gasped sharply. He had never seen so many cuts before, littering both of Mikey's arms. "You said you wouldn't be mad!"

"I'm not," Donnie shook his head. "I'm just... surprised is all." Mikey turned his head to the side avoiding Donnie's gaze. The genius could see new cuts, and older faded ones. He pulled out some antiseptics as he began to clean the fresher ones. "This one looks like it could get infected." He shift was uneasily to gaze at Mikey who didn't even flinch when the rubbing alcohol was applied. Usually Mikey would be squirming about at the pain. "Doesn't it hurt?"

"It doesn't bother me," Mikey replied. "I'm used to the pain." Donnie closed his mouth at that. He had to mentally slap himself. Of course Mikey didn't flinch to the pain. He had been cutting himself for dear sakes! Though he couldn't help himself from shuddering at the image of Mikey cutting up his arms like it was nothing.

"How long have you been doing this for?"

"I don't know... a month?" Mikey shrugged his shoulders.

"If you mind me asking... why do you do it?" Donnie took in a deep breath, trying to keep himself cool and recollected. He began to bandage up the newer cuts after they had been cleaned.

"I don't know... I suppose it's because...." Mikey hesitated, shifting uneasily on the cot. "I feel like I deserved to be punished..."

"Michelangelo." The orange clad turtle shuddered at the way his genius brother used his full name. "Nobody deserves to be punished, not even you. There is no way that you deserve to be punished."

"Of course I do!" Mikey snapped.

"Why, Mikey?"

"Because I do!"

"That's not a valid answer."

"Like you'd understand?!"

"Mikey!" The genius frowned when the turtle flinched, scooting closer to the edge of the cot. "Look... I'm sorry for yelling. Take your time, whenever you feel ready to talk about it, we'll be here, okay?" When Mikey turned onto his side, facing the wall Donnie got up to exit the lab. He made sure to close the doors and stand in front of them, keeping guard just in case Mikey tried to escape.

"What's the verdict, Donnie?" Leo inquired, Raph standing beside him.

"It's worse than I thought," Donnie frowned. He didn't realize that he was now shaking. "He's cut up his entire arms." Leo's eyes widened at the news as Raph clenched his jaw tightly.

"Why?" Raph asked, coming out a little harsher than he thought.

"Because he felt like he needed to be punished."

"What would make him think he needed to do that?" Leo sighed, rubbing the side of his face. "This is too much even for Mikey. He shouldn't be doing this."

"He didn't tell me why he wanted to punish himself, but listen I need the two of you to search the entire lair and dispose of anything sharp. We'll have to hide them somewhere he can't find them. This is critical, otherwise he'll do anything to harm himself." Raph and Leo nodded their heads in affirmation, dispersing throughout the lair as they began to search.

Donnie retreated back into the lab only to scream as he saw Mikey holding out the blade of his kusarigama chain. The turtle slashed the blade against his arm, a new bloody cut forming. It horrified the genius to see Mikey's blank emotionless expression.

"See, D?" Mikey turned to him. "Everything is fine. Look at this one," he held out his arm, talking about his self harming as if it was a trophy on a pedestal.

"Mikey! Stop!" Donnie lunged at his brother. Mikey reacted quickly, standing up as he growled clutching his nun-chuck tightly. Donnie held out his hands in a manner to try to calm down the turtle, hoping he wouldn't make any more rash moves. How could he be so stupid to forget about Mikey's nun-chucks?! "Put it down, Mikey," he whispered lowly. "There's no need to punish yourself..."

Mikey chuckled at this, one that left goosebumps rising on Donnie's arms. "There is always a reason to punish myself," Mikey said, looking down to scrutinize the new cut. "Like you dudes discovering this..." The genius reacted on pure instinct, grasping the sedative that was on his lab desk and ramming it into Mikey's thigh.

A loud shriek emitted into the air, as Donnie picked up Mikey's now limp body and set him back onto the cot. The youngest was sobbing, his face being drenched in tears. "I'm sorry, Mikey," Donnie bent down to pick up the chucks. "You're not going to have these for a long time."

"N-No! You can't do that!" Mikey screamed, thrashing against the cot despite how the sedative made his body numb and immobilized. He couldn't move as he only continued to scream until it turned into agonized wailing. "I n-need i-it..."

"I'm so sorry, little brother. This is for your own good," Donnie sighed, not liking how distressed his brother was. All of this was too horrible. But it needed to be done. He exited the lab to hand Leo Mikey's nun-chucks before returning to now clean and wrap up the newly made wound on Mikey's wrist.


	8. The Talk

Mikey sighed, he could hear whispering outside the lab doors. He was starting to doze off, feeling exhausted. No, he couldn't fall asleep! There were three blurry figures coming near him.

Were they going to tie him down again? He could feel his arms raising to shield himself. Yet he didn't feel anything touch him. They kept their distance, watching him. Mikey was confused. Why weren't they yelling at him? He could notice the way Donnie pointed at him, and he knew he was mentioning his cuts as he could barely make out the words. Leo's expression was unreadable, and Raph, it looked as if he was trying to contain everything.

"Just sleep, Mikey." He heard someone say. Was that Leo? "You need some rest." And sure enough darkness encased him.

Mikey awoke the next morning to find Donnie handing him a tray of food. Raph was still sound asleep in a chair and Leo was leaning against the doorframe of the lab's entrance. "Here you go, Mikey. You'll need some energy in your system." The freckled terrapin took the tray, slowly taking bites of the cereal and fruit. He ate silently as Raph stirred. Downing the glass of water the turtle found that he was not bound to the bed. He could sense three pair of eyes gazing at him, even when he didn't look up to meet their gaze.

"Mikey." He heard the sound of the lab door closing. Leo had shut it behind him, walking towards the cot. "We need to talk." The freckled turtle's heart quickened in nervousness. He noticed Leo give an affirmative nod at both Raph and Donnie. The two of them got the message and quietly left the lab. Now it was only the youngest alone with the oldest.

Mikey shifted uncomfortably. Great, Leo was here to lecture him again? He would never hear the end of it. His fingers began to fidget over his thighs as a silence filled the lab. A single word hasn't escaped Fearless' lips. Mikey spared a quick glance at him, noticing how he was gazing off to the side. So Leo couldn't even look at him? The turtle yelped in surprise, when Leonardo's eyes flicked to his. Those midnight blues gazing softly at him. There was something off about Leo's expression. Mikey was perplexed. He was supposed to be mad, yelling or lecturing him. But no, he saw love in those eyes.

"Uh, Leo?"

"Yes, Mikey?" Leo smiled softly at him.

"Aren't you going to lecture me?"

"No I'm not going to lecture you." Now something was indeed wrong here.

"Why not?"

"Because it's unnecessary," Leonardo replied.

"But I- I deserve it..." Mikey gazed down guiltily.

"Whether you deserve it or not, I am still not going to lecture you," Leo stated. He knew he had to be careful with his choice of words. Anything could set off Mikey, since his mind wasn't in the right place.

"What?" Mikey blinked. "That makes no sense... I'm confused..."

"Good," Leo placed a hand onto the cot. "Do you mind if I sit here with you?"

"S-sure..." Mikey gulped, feeling the bed dent as another weight was added to it. Leo sat down beside him, laying back onto his shell. Leo didn't say anything else, only putting his elbows behind his head as he gazed up at the ceiling. "You said you wanted to talk to me?" Mikey raised an eye ridge, even more confused at how quiet his oldest brother was being.

"Only if you want to talk."

"I don't," Mikey shook his head.

"Then we will just sit here like this," Leo grinned, not moving from his spot. Now Michelangelo was feeling self conscious. He always blamed himself for being so noisy, but now the silence was unnerving him. Was this Leo's plan to try to make him talk. Mikey found himself itching at one of his cuts underneath its bandage. "Tell me, how does it feel?" Mikey nearly shrieked with how close Leo was. He sat up, gazing at the way Mikey poked around his cut, curiosity in his eyes. Leo curious about his cuts? What did that have to do with anything?

"It feels good," Mikey replied.

"When did you do this one?" Leo pointed at the cut that Mikey was touching.

"Today, right after Donnie was checking my arms," Mikey replied. The cut was new and he could still feel the sting. It soothed him.

"Why?"

"Because I deserve to be punished," Mikey bit his lip tightly. Instead of yelling at him as the turtle expected, Leo tilted his head even further, curiosity still evident on his face.

"And it feels good to punish yourself?"

"Yeah," Mikey nodded his head. He wasn't getting what Leo was doing here.

"You want to release the tension inside? So you resort to self harming? And the fact that you believe that you should be punished for your mistakes so you punish yourself?"

"I think so, yeah that's about it," Mikey shrugged his shoulders.

"Can you make me understand why taking your life would help you?" Mikey blinked, gazing down at his hands. Was he really going to do this?

"I don't deserve to be here..." he mumbled.

"So you say you don't deserve to live?" Leo leaned back onto his hands. "Do I deserve to die?"

"No, of course not," Mikey shook his head.

"Why not?"

"Because you're the leader."

"So then Raph and Donnie deserve to die too?"

"No," Mikey could feel tears coming. "Raph is the muscle, Donnie is the brains. You're all important."

"Then what about you?"

"I'm not important..."

"Why are you not important?"

"Because... I'm nothing but a screw up..." Mikey mutterly fainfly, hoping Leo wouldn't hear.

"So you want to kill yourself because you're a screw up?" Mikey's eyes widened, Leo did hear him.

"No! I-" Mikey froze as his cheek was pressed against a warm body, against Leonardo's plastron. He could feel strong yet gentle arms holding him tight. It was oddly soothing despite how badly Mikey wanted to leave. Part of him wanted this... someone to hug him and tell him that everything would be okay.

"Mikey. There is no way you are a screw up," he could feel a hand rubbing soothing circles on his shell. "You want to know what you bring to this team?" When Mikey didn't respond Leo went on anyway. "You're our sunshine, our little prankster. You may not have skills like the rest of us. But that doesn't make you less important. In fact, you're the only one who has the deepest heart. You bring a light to this family whether you believe it or not. You are loved whether you feel it or not. We love you. You are irreplaceable, Michelangelo. Did you ever think about how it would be like for us to find out that you were dead? When we thought you were everything was falling apart. If you kill yourself, there is no way we're moving on Otouto."

Now Mikey couldn't back the tears anymore. "L-Leo..."

"You need to let us in, Mikey. If we've hurt you you've got to tell us. Anything that you've ever felt. We just want to help you."

"I-" Mikey sniffled, fingers clutching onto the edges of Leo's plastron. "It just... for so long.. you guys were throwing me around... it hurt... that I wasn't wanted... you guys never appreciated me... at least you never showed it, even after all those times I saved your shells... and what you say about me... it hurts... and I can never do anything right. I'm always messing up... I'm nothing... I'm just a screw up... you dudes would be better off without me..." Mikey could feel Leo's embrace tighten.

"Just let it out, Otouto," Mikey could feel being being brought closer into Leo. He sobbed against his older brother, feeling Leo lean his head against his. Leo placed a hand onto the back of Mikey's head, burying the turtle's face deeper into his plastron. Mikey could feel a steady beat against his cheek, Leo's heartbeat was strong and oddly soothing. He closed his eyes, allowing himself to calm down from listening to Leo's heart.


	9. Hope

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this last chapter! FLUFF ahead!

"So he's punishing himself because he feels like a screw up?" Raph growled as the three older brothers were all gathered at the lab door's entrance. Mikey was passed out on the cot with Leo still holding him.

"Sadly, it seems to be," Leo nodded his head sadly. "Because of what we said to him."

Donnie sighed at this, rubbing the side of his face. "We all really did screw up. None of us meant to hurt him, but he took it the wrong way. And we ended up hurting him without realizing it."

Raph clenched his fists tightly. "And we can fix this right?"

"Yes, we can," Donnie nodded his head. "We just have to be more careful of what we say around him, because with a depressed mind certain things may infect him. We'll have to keep an eye on him." The genius strolled over to his desk. "And take therapy, he's really going to need it in order to find a way to cope with his self-harming and attempted suicide."

Raph followed Donnie as the genius began to elaborate about all the techniques that they could use to help Mikey. They weren't going to lose him, and they'd do anything to help him.

Mikey awoke to find himself still cuddled against Leo. The eldest smiled at him as Donnie stood in front of Mikey. The orange masked turtle tensed, but soon relaxed when he felt Leo rubbing soothing circles on his carapace.

"Mikey, I need you to listen okay?" Donnie touched his arm gently. "This is only to help you," he held out a red sharpie.

"W-what?" Mikey exasperated, utterly confused.

"You're going to have to cope with your cutting urges, and you gotta promise me that you will use this instead?" Donnie held out the marker.

"A red sharpie?" Mikey stared down at the object.

"Go on, try it out."

"Here, I can do it with you," Leo took the sharpie, removing his wrist wrappings much to Mikey's shock. The leader slashed the marker several times on his wrist creating little red marks. "See?" Mikey tilted his head, curiosity peaking as he reached out to touch Leonardo's wrists, fingering the red marks.

"You really think this is going to work, Brainiac?" Raph whispered next to Donnie.

"Positive. Not only does Mikey want to punish himself but he likes how it looks. If he likes seeing red on his skin to remind himself that he has punished himself. Using a sharpie is safer than actually harming himself. This will help, Raph."

"It looks... pretty..." Mikey mumbled.

"Here, why don't you try it?" Leo handed the said sharpie to the youngest turtle. Mikey took it, using it to slash the areas on his arms that weren't cut.

"But there's no pain..." Mikey's eyes widened.

"You don't need to feel pain," Leo squeezed him gently. "You can feel the tip right?" He leaned over to point. The freckled terrapin nodded his head at that. "And you can see how it looks. That's enough." A smile small appeared on Mikey's face. "Now come on, you feel like eating some pizza?"

"S-sure..." Raph nodded his head head before exiting the lab.

"Raph will get the pizza." They brought the pizza into the lab. All three of the brothers sitting onto the cot next to Mikey. They didn't say anything, only eating as Mikey willed himself to relax. Perhaps this wasn't so bad. His brothers weren't hurting him, they were smiling.

Raph reached over to lean his head against Mikey's shoulder, surprising the younger turtle. Raph was not one to show affection at all.

"Glad you're alive, Knucklehead," he said softly. "Look... I'm sorry for hurting you. I know that most of the pain you feel stems from how I treated you ever since we were little." When Mikey gazed at his brother, Raph went on. "I'm sorry I never made you feel appreciated. But the truth is, you are. You mean a lot to me," he wrapped an arm around Mikey. "My life would be dull without you. Who would brighten up this family huh?"

Mikey sniffled, feeling Raph tug him closer. "We're sorry for hurting you, Mikey with anything we've ever said," Donnie patted the top of his head fondly. "Always know that we love you for you. You're our baby brother, and nothing I repeated NOTHING will ever replace you." Mikey began to sob and this time all three of his brothers surrounded him, embracing him.

"And we promise that we will help you, Otouto, you are not alone," Leo added. "And whatever is on your mind, talk to us."

━━━━━━♡♤♡━━━━━━

For several months Mikey began to slowly open up more with his brothers. Whenever he felt an urge to cut or a negative thought about suicide he went to one of his brothers. They understood and allowed him to speak what was on his mind and didn't leave him alone. They'd spend time together, and cry together.

Therapy wasn't exactly as Mikey expected, but Donnie told him it was necessary. He had to have counseling about his thoughts and feelings, and using different techniques to cope with his depression and self-harm.

Needless to say over the next few months the brothers saw improvement in Mikey's performance. One day they found him laughing in the kitchen, actually laughing in delight. He had made some sort of dessert. Donnie suggested that Mikey tune in more with his cooking to help him heal. After all, Mikey did say that it made him feel happy and relaxed.

The three brothers smiled at the sight from the kitchen's entrance. Mikey was covered in powdered sugar, humming and dancing as he twirled Ice Cream Kitty was in a bowl. She messed softly as Mikey nuzzled her.

Donnie held up his phone as he took a picture. This was precious moment that needed to be captured, a moment where Mikey was that ball of sunshine. "Now we'll have this moment to cherish forever," Donnie chuckled.

"Dudes! Want to try this lava cake I made!" Mikey set out the plate.

"Dang, that looks delicious," Raph walked forward as did the others.

"Great job, Mikey," Leo rubbed Mikey's head. The turtle smiled at the compliment.

"I made it for you dudes!" He blushed in embarrassment. "Consider it a thank you for never leaving my side. I love you bros!"

"Awww, you're the best baby brother ever!" Donnie smiled in awe. Mikey chuckled watching in delight as his three brothers began to dig into his dessert.

"Mmm, this is amazing!"

"By the way, I snapped a picture," Donnie held out his t-phone. "Had to capture a moment where you're covered in powdered sugar." Mikey leaned over to gaze at the photo.

"Heh, I'm sweet like that," Mikey's eyes practically smiled, a glint in those baby blues.

"Yes you are," Mikey yelped, feeling Leo pull him into a hug. His other two brothers joined in as Mikey closed his eyes in content. He wished this lovely moment would never end. But there certainly would be more. His brothers were honestly the best. He didn't have to worry, for they cared about him. And for once Mikey felt like he belonged.


End file.
